I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
