everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
