I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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