is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
