Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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