Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
