KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize