he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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