This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
