she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
