I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
