Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Even my vagina gasped.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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