I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
