Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
