3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
