I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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