We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
