fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
