nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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