I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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