found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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