i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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