You're my little dorito
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
