I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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