In the future we'll all be gay
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
