My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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