Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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