the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
