she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
