what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
