I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
