I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
