I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
