Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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