Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
