just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
