So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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