I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
