I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
