Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
