I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
