she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
