I faked an abortion last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
