i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
