my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A+ Viking dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
