just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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