sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
