someone threw a dead crab at me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
