That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
