I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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