Sry I called you an 8
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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