Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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