I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
