Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
