What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
