I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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